Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have aggressive nipples.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize