if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
BRING THE BAGELS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize