there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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