The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
