I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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