there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
