If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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