I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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