youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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