i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
