i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
