I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
