you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
