I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
