my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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