Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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