she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
