He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
