I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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