I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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