Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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