I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize