your room smells of hookers.
And success
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
