shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he shaved USA in his pubs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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