my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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