how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
