She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She needs sedatives and a leash
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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