We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
