Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
