This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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