he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
NoShamevember. You game?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
