so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
