you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
