your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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