I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
