Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
