tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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