He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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