Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize