I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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