would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
