their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
