I wish my penis had an off switch
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
