bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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