Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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