We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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