it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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