i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
