a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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