No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
