margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
