I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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