I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
