hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
