She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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