Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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