in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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