I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
