We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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