Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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