Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
