oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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