So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
