planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
