My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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