Do you still have your period?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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