i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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