Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
