You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
