our cab driver is having phone sex.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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