i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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