After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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