I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
