Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
