Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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