are you so shy because you have an std?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
