So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
