So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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