you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
